Hi! I’m calling to take a poll. You aren’t full of shit, are you?

That’s how things are starting to look in the media, every bump, every jot, every titter becomes an interpreted event with full explanations that amount to, well, not much more than guessing if you have to put a label on it.

Polling is about to take its premium position in the daily news mash of political stuff, and here’s the New York Times already wringing its hands about what the polling people say about the horse race at this stage. Biden loses a couple of points here, Trump picks up some there.

I think my headline question should be a screening tool pollers use to weed out folks whose opinion just should not matter. If anyone hesitates or has to think before answering, just hang up and call the next victim.

We are moving into full media rutting mode, and you can tell because everyone feels the need to warn you that Trump could still win. They are trying to be fair. At least that’s how it seems everywhere but on Fox News, where they don’t think the dark thoughts they are entitled to own given how poorly they do their jobs.

Let me suggest that the big difference between four years ago and now is that President Trump is the incumbent, and a ratty pile of lying pooh at that! This is no longer a secret. Everyone knows the man lies. His backers apparently have adjusted for that already, like people firing rounds in a high wind, or market analysts trying to figure out why the DOW did or didn’t or whatever.

He is also vastly incompetent at the business of governing, which is the president’s only real job. Like Dorothy Parker said of herself, everything she touched turned to dirt. Trump is most definitely just like that in his own right. There may be no worse news to get than that he’s coming to visit to help with something, as though what all problems really need is an Olympian liar with a personality disorder and an inability to keep his hands in his pants, where they belong, instead of tapping away at his twitter feed.

It was a different country four years ago, a country with an honest president in office after eight years, a healthy economy, relatively peaceful streets and so on. Sure, Hillary Clinton was the Democratic candidate and probably not the best one for that job (look at who beat her with electoral college slight of hand for Gawd’s sake). But the simple fact was that Obama was despised by racists and Mitch McConnell, and loved by almost everyone else. (I know that’s not right. I’m just trying to be provocative.)

Now what do we have? This vast bozo of a lying idiot who still thinks he is at the very least cute. A man who spends hours on his hair, which is ridiculous on its very own. A man who, after pissing all over Obama for golfing, spends much of his time dragging his fat ass (and that is NOT anything other than a literal observation) all over golf courses as often as he can. A man incapable of relating to the human suffering all around him. His nation is bleeding and he’s off putting someplace. Or tweeting. Or whatever.

He has constructed an awful record and that needs to be in our minds every minute of every day. That’s why comparing polling results now to election or polling results four years ago is probably a waste of time. What’s missing from that four-year-old political picture is the ballooning presence of this flatulent twitter maniac who simply can’t get anything right either because he is lying about it, or because he just doesn’t know.

We are edging up on 200,000 people dead because of, let’s call it what it is, The Trump Virus, the economy is in shambles, foreign policy is in the shitter save for one victory, sort of, in the Middle East, and unemployment is making the place look like 1933.

That’s what’s going on this year. That guy and his bleached running mate against a man with a long and honorable record with a running mate who is stunningly smart and engaging and black, too.

I have faith in the American people. Yes, some of them are bucket of pooh heads who will wave their Trump flags even as they are flushed down the potty of retribution that is going to be used to take his man down. But most of the rest of them are decent, thoughtful and caring people.

They want things to be right.

Poll them about what they are going to do. But like I said, the first survey question could be, “You aren’t full of shit are you?” and if the person has to think about that, just hang up because they are part of the problem and move to the next number.

Only poll smart people.